ADVENTURE awaits...

Like many families in America the school year is winding down and summer vacation is on the horizon. My children finish on Thursday and have officially started counting down. We have begun talks of bucket lists and confirming vacation plans; organizing summer reading and math assignments; easing our way into 12 weeks of lightening bugs, later bed times, sticky sweet hands and the aroma of sunscreen and chlorine.

In these three months of a slower pace for all us Morris' I decided on my own bucket list of sorts however, mine will look very different from that of my children's. In the next couple of weeks I will come upon one year of blogging. One full year. Part of me is shocked that I have actively maintained Wayfare Green for a year. This is primarily due to the content in which the majority of my blog is centered around. Topics that are taboo for many, uncomfortable of most, provocative for some, painful memories and moments for others; however, most importantly, topics that let others know they are not alone. Its a hodge podge of healing, grace, growth, setbacks, and comebacks.

While for most of you this is post number 51, there are several unpublished posts, some that are shared with select individuals. I have written hundreds of pages and thousands of words over the past 341 days. It would take you a few hours to read through all of my posts in one sitting. When I started this journey I had no expectations. I fully believed the only people who would read my blog are my parents and husband. I don't write for anyone but myself. Perhaps my writing has allowed for a greater understanding of a turbulent couple of years. Learning how to write truthfully and vulnerably has been hard but has made me stronger.

I had an extremely challenging conversation last week that will likely carry over into this week, it's necessary. While I do share the challenging and uncomfortable, these details will be kept private. The reasoning behind sharing this conversation at all is that while my writing has allowed for growth in vulnerability and honesty, my ability to translate this growth to face-to-face interactions are a struggle. There are plenty of people who read my posts who see me in the real word; work, church, kid stuff. The dirty laundry is on the line, perhaps I feel as though if they've read it, we don't need to talk about it? I never want my "things" to make another person uncomfortable; I have enough anxiety to power a small European country. I don't wish that on anyone.

Many of you may be wondering how this ties in to summer vacation and bucket lists. Well..my bucket list is more of a diving board. I am talking a diving board that would rival Lejeune Hall's 10-meter platform. I am taking the plunge and I am writing a book.

A book. As with all major writing projects there is planning, timeframes, and word goals. I will be spending the next couple of weeks finalizing the outline surrounding the theme and associated themes, overall message, developing a sensory driven experience and all the areas still left to be uncovered. I know my writing will start on Monday, June 7th and we will go from there. Every Single. Day. I have no visions of grandeur associated with this book. This will likely end up like my fourth grade poetry book in Mrs. Schliens class at Hampton Elementary. It was published and bound with white curling ribbon; its currently in a box in the basement. My late grandmother, Marie, also had a copy. So, two copies....I'll be happy with that. I will also be just a content if not a single person were to buy it or read it. Like all my writing, this book will be for me.

“And most of all, books. They were, in and of themselves, reasons to stay alive. Every book written is the product of a human mind in a particular state. Add all the books together and you get the end sum of humanity. Every time I read a great book I felt I was reading a kind of map, a treasure map, and the treasure I was being directed to was in actual fact myself.”

― Matt Haig, Reasons to Stay Alive

As days and weeks go by I look forward to sharing this process with you. The highs and lows. The unknowns and uncomfortable moments. As the book comes to life I will share the focus and the path which I am taking. It will most surely be an adventure.