Bullies.

When you decide to roll the dice and enter into parenthood you theoretically know that you’ll have to navigate all the things you experienced as a child, except you are now the responsible guiding light. That last phrase is a stretch but we’re at least older and keep them sheltered, so we are going with that.

Late this afternoon I get a phone call from my son’s school. Which, like many parents, you answer with caution. I know they ain’t calling just to say hi; today’s phone call, “Hi Mrs. M, we have C in the nurses office and we don’t know what’s wrong ( side note, don’t start a conversation with that line ..) C is placed on the phone hysterical, I conference call in my husband, we can’t figure it out so, we pick him up just as school is dismissing for the day.

We all get home, C takes a hard nap, I finish up work from home for the day. At dinner time, Daddy rips off the band aid and tries to get C to explain the earlier shenanigans. After lots of tears, screams, anger and frustration we get the root cause; bullies.

I’d like to say this is Cs first foray into bullying but it isn’t. Kids can suck. Adults suck too. Not a single person reading this hasn’t said something or thought something about a person that wasn’t rooted in kindness. Trying to work through bullying with a special needs child who is the biggest empath you’ll ever meet is a struggle. This boy only knows how to see the good. His bright blue eyes can see right through to your soul; those bright blue eyes can also break your mama heart when they are filled with tears from heartbreak. C can be seen as an easy target; awkward social skills, medication weight gain, wicked smart, delayed fine and gross motor skill; kids have a hard time seeing past that. I can understand that. It doesn’t excuse the behavior. I also believe that kids as young as my son who experience bullying are learning those behaviors from adults in their lives.

It infuriates us. As my husband and I decide our next steps as parents, we have to help C strategize with bullying; walk away, they are just trying to get a reaction, ignore them, find an adult etc.., the real kicker, C knows his limitations, “I don’t understand when to walk away.” He is so desperate for friendship that he is willing to take the hurt. For those who read this and know this sweet boy, you can’t help but love this child. As a parent it makes me wonder how long, if ever, will it be for him to find that tribe of his own. That tribe who will love him and want him around regardless of his awkwardness and delays; that tribe who’ll want him around simply because that know how amazing a person C is.

His sister started soccer this week which was another trigger for him. We can’t enroll him in a typical rec league program and we live in an area that has limited options for allied sports; sports are this boys favorite thing. We give thanks for baseball season as that boy is sitting in the stands as much as possible at our local college. It’s his happy place. Which we treasure.

My daughters school, which is religious, sends home two monthly bible verses. Currently hanging on our fridge are Galatians 5:25, “Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit,” and Philippians 4:13, “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” Two lessons that are needed now more than ever in our home.