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  • Writer's pictureA.S. Morris

Outsourcing Motherhood.

We live in a time when you can pay anyone to do anything. Before you readers get too excited this is a “G” rated blog. Whether or not you subscribe to this modern day way of living, it’s an option, an option that helps me keep our world go round.

First, I whole heartedly acknowledge that I am incredibly privileged to be able to outsource parts of life. I also am completely aware of how polarizing this topic is. Let’s be honest, motherhood is the most cutthroat gang I have ever been a part of. It starts before you have even given birth. You are chastised for how you give birth, was it vaginal or c-section,breast vs. bottle, stay at home or career minded; there is literally not one thing about motherhood that I have ever seen 100% of mothers agree on. I stopped subscribing to “mommy” blogs simply because I could not stand the way other mothers were tearing down the efforts of another. News flash, motherhood is hard and none of us are perfect at motherhood.

Personally, I have accepted that my way of motherhood isn’t going to align with everyone else. I also don’t care what others think of my style of motherhood. My kids are healthy (special needs and all), happy, fed, enriched, watch tablets, play outside, and are semi-clean. They have also had processed foods, non-organic whatever, more than likely eaten something off the floor, and shared a chew toy with the dog; they are still kicking.

I work full time as does my husband, we have a full time nanny, a bi-weekly cleaning person, and get our groceries delivered. I go through so many moments of mom-guilt for not doing all the things I outsource. The guilt is even stronger when it comes to my son and not being present for each and every therapy session. He has various therapies four days a week; our nine year old has a part time job outside of the third grade. When I get home from work I don’t want to have to worry about all the house stuff, I just want to be Mom. Could I have a less intense job, sure; do I want that, some days, especially when work impacts home. I have also worked incredibly hard at my career and know that part of me shapes who I am as a mother. I’ve had my career since before motherhood or marriage. Heck, it’s been my career since before I earned my bachelors degree. I guess my career was my first child; I can assure you it also doesn’t listen or clean up after itself.

Even with my outsourced support my house could occasionally make you wonder if we were robbed or is it just Tuesday. Does it drive me crazy, sure does, have I learned to let it lie, technically. I’m just too tired to do anything about it. Yes, the kids have chores. Its a hard balance when aligning chores for children with two very different skill sets and abilities who are 379 days a part in age.

I sometimes wonder what motherhood is like when you don’t have a child with special needs. We certainly don’t cater to our son yet we live a certain way to ensure inclusivity. We have strict routines and early bedtimes. We don’t go to a lot of events or hang out with other families. The four of us have made it to church three weeks in a row, which I’m not sure we have ever done.

I have recently been pretty vocal with my husband on how much I need a break. In all honesty we both do. I want nothing more than to go sit on a beach for a few days with my phone buried deep in the sand. Yet, I feel the mom guilt, I have this help at home, why do I need a break. I then blame my wanting a career for the reason. Logically, I know this is bullshit. The other day I was at the dentist laying in the chair with a bright light shining on my face and my initial thought was this is the closest I’ve been to a getaway in ages. The dentist. My dream vacation is now the dentist.

While my outsourcing allows for meals to be made, kids to be cared for, and lack of third world diseases in the kids bathroom, it doesn’t solve everything. I am incredibly grateful for these luxuries. Tonight our wonderful nanny texted me and asked if she could start dinner. Walking in the door to dinner being cooked is literally one of the best feelings in the world when you work full time. It allows me to just be mom and ask how everyones day was and see what tales they have to tell.

The house is now quiet for the night, the little babes in their beds, and we set our sights on Wednesday. It’s a day filled with work, school, therapy, and the baseball home opener. A day with some outsourcing thrown in too because this is how we live life. This is how I am doing motherhood. And, it’s perfectly, wonderfully okay if you do motherhood differently. It’s a village and our respective strengths our what makes this “hood“ stronger; better.

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1 Comment

Feb 23, 2022

I am in a position to observe your parenting skills more closely than most folks who read this blog. You are an excellent mother. A good balance of caring and correction. Isn’t school outsourcing and yet all children go to school. Keep doing what you are doing. Eventually they do grow up.

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