Stuck on repeat.....

I spent the past week working on managing competing priorities. In addition to work and family, I have decided to work towards a couple of healthcare finance certifications. And yes, they are as riveting as they sound. I have to stop myself from simply blowing through the material to wrap it up versus actually learning something......I clearly am not learning how to manage competing priorities.

I was told that I need to learn to ask for extensions for something; every. single. week. Conditioning therapy. I'm fairly confidant a language was used that I don't understand. An extension? I almost had to google the definition. I do not ask for extensions. Unfortunately, I will do this at any costs, mainly my own. I'm still not sure what I am going to ask for an extension on, perhaps they will forget. Likely not.

Last year failure was one of if not my biggest trigger. I felt as though I had failed at being a wife, a mother, and lastly my job. The three things I treasure most. When the last leaf fell, that is when I finally fell. I had failed everyone and at everything. The leaves had been falling for quite some time to be honest. The pain was a melody that never stopped playing. I thought I still had some strength left in me. Clearly not enough. People say asking for help is the strongest thing you can do. I never really asked for help, a decision was made for me. A needed decision; I put up a fight, cause, well, i'm charming like that.

So here we are months later. Failure is still very much on my mind or more like not failing. Last fall was EPIC. Down in a blaze of glory EPIC. You would like to think I learned my lesson or at least a lesson. Yet, my charming self is still ever present. The good and the bad parts of my charm. I am back at work, same job, still married, still a mom. Still needing to learn how to manage competing priorities.

Last post I talked about the google search that turned back 15 million hits in less than 0.4 seconds. I am still searching those those postings, perhaps I am looking for hit number 15 million and one. The tips and tactics are pretty much the same record, just spun backwards than forwards. Do we will really need 15 million web hits to tell us how to manage competing priorities? For some of us, yes. Apparently a skill I took for granted was being honed in an unhealthy manner. Now, the hard part, learning how to manage competing priorities in a healthy way. It likely seems obvious to most. How to learn to be an over achiever without loosing your way. Stop repeating old habits.

You gain hope in finding your way......how long it takes to find true north....that I don't know. Perhaps that is the hardest part of all.