Trust. Faith.

When I sit down to write, usually after the kids are in bed and in between laundry cycles, I try to think of ways to articulate my thoughts, feelings, or struggles into relatable anecdotes. Sometimes my personal interests help me in forming the narrative; sometimes my pal google saves the day. It is true, you can find anything on the internet. Sometimes this is simply how I work through hard days. Days that brought about unexpected challenges or feelings.

Tonight I found myself going down the rabbit hole in search of how the internet highlights trust. Law and commerce are two ways to look at the word trust. Is this a three party fiduciary relationship? Or, "firm belief in the reliability, truth, ability, or strength of someone or something?" Rumor has it that the word "trust" first appeared on the English speaking scene in 1200. And, not surprising, it has religious undertones. In my opinion, Proverbs 3: 5-6, Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding.(6) In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths, is one of the best known bible verses surrounding trust. This verses is also commonly used to help explain away things we don't understand. More simply; faith.

Faith and trust, in my opinion,are the most expensive words in the English language. I am sure that there are plenty of critics to that statement. However, I charge you to find two words that are more wrapped up in so many emotions, values, and morals. Pillars that shape our character .Two words that when brought into question can make your world stop spinning. We all have people in our lives that we don't trust or have faith in their abilities. For example, I do not trust my children alone with paint as I have zero faith they will actually keep their brushes on paper. Conversely, I do not trust you to keep my confidence as you have shown me that you are not true to your word. Both are examples of trust and faith, however vastly different in meaning.

The heaviness that comes when you begin to question whether you can trust someone is almost palpable. I am someone that doesn't trust easily. Never have been. I can be a bit of a skeptic. I tend to look for holes in the story. I rarely take anything at face value. In some facets of my life this is a valuable skill, in others, not so much. However, when I do place my trust in you, my faith in you, I am loyal to the end. When I decide to share my feelings; I feel hard. Which is likely why when someones actions cause me to raise alarm; I feel it deep. I am not someone who lets their guard down. I will not let you hurt me twice. I have gotten slightly better, however for me its more about learning to give people a chance.

None of us are immune to making mistakes. Personally or professionally we have all tripped up once, twice, several.... How you own up to those mistakes is what defines who you are. Is this situation "easily" explained by talking through perception versus reality? Human understating is always subject to error. Or are we going with the big guns of deception and lies. My little one is big on the word trust. At bedtime "if you don't read every word on that page I will never trust you again". She's harsh. However, I am trying to figure out if she can actually read, so I skip words, she promptly calls me out. I tell her we are both caught in a lie. It is some stellar parenting and a vicious cycle. But hey, she can read.....

There are times when I envy my daughters view of trust. I wish my biggest trust issues were whether my bedtime story was going to miss a word or not. However as we age, life gets more complicated. Some curves balls are thrown on repeat and you are certain there is a pitching machine is the driveway. None of us have a .333 batting average in life. Someday's I think I am giving the Mendoza Line a run for its money. But that is life isn't it? Periods of curve balls. Periods of redefining. Periods of questioning what is next in life. Who do you want in your life? Who do you trust to be there?

If we go back to Proverbs 3: 5-6 a verse that is used to explain away the things we can't or don't understand; I have had a lot of that the past year or so. I will likely have periods of this throughout life. I have no crystal ball or magic 8 ball that leads the way. Perhaps these moments that arise that force us to reexamine trust and faith are all part of plan. A plan that is in place to help guide you to the path with the people who are meant to be there.