Unicorns and Snow Globes

If you have read earlier social media posts of mine, you are likely aware of my snow globe analogy. If not, the snow globe is how I visualize my depression and anxiety. A sophisticated way to contain the crazy. The imagery depicted within snow globes is always an ideal and serene narrative. A magical snapshot of holidays longed for or voyages since traveled.

I will admit that I have had more blizzards than serenity in my snow globe the past few months. I'm okay with that. Some days its exhausting other days I just roll with it. Optimistic that the tide will eventually turn in my favor.

Today, however, I finally had my first unicorn, in quite some time. If you know me, you are well aware of the energy I put into my career. I fell hard for my career at the ripe old age of 21. I was young, naive, and 1000% sure I was going to show this world whats up. I had no idea what I was doing yet had the confidence of a 20 year veteran. Looking back I brought a special kind of crazy with me. I am fairly confidant I still bring a special kind of crazy with me. Its part of my charm. I have worked hard to get where I am. Late nights, long hours, strong personalities, and some bull shit for good measure. Its where I feel home. There is a certain feeling you get, a type of high, when you work in my world. It is truly indescribable.

It has taken me a while to hit my stride in my current role. Lots of newness and firsts coupled with personal struggles. While the job was great my confidence was shot. A feeling I am not accustom to. Today, was the first time that I truly felt that professional confidence return. It was palpable. A feeling that I didn't realize how much I was missing. A tangible reminder of what I have worked so hard for. I contemplated skipping down the hallway, however, i am not trying to become the committed kind of crazy. Just wait till I write that blog post......

It was the first day in a long, long, long time that I left work for the day okay that I didn't finish every last thing. That I don't feel pressured to work tonight. Feeling that I did my best. Validated in my skill set. These are all pressures I put on myself. In the past it has served me well. As I have aged and life has happened perhaps some wisdom is starting to set in.

All I know for certain is that today, I saw a unicorn amongst the blizzard. A rare sight. A beautiful sight. A sight most certainly to see.