W is for what now...

Well, we made it successfully through the MRI. There were some moments when Corbin was not exactly thrilled with the whole thing but we did it. Successfully. We also learned that Corbin post-anesthesia isn't the cheeriest little boy and more closely relates to the sad drunk girl at the party; with intermittent fits of rage. While getting through Wednesday and this much needed testing was one source of anxiety; the second piece, awaiting the results.

Well, that phone call came; Friday morning at 9:58. Two minutes before a meeting in which I needed to be "on" for. My video needed to be on and I need to come off as competent and professional. When you work at the same hospital where your child is also a patient you do not hesitate to answer your phone. At 9:58 AM I assumed it was a work related call. It was not. My stomach dropped. Well....the imaging is unremarkable.

Unremarkable and I burst into tears. These were not tears of joy. Normally you are thrilled to be told your imaging is unremarkable. Perhaps its the one time in your life when being unremarkable is your greatest achievement. Yet, I burst into tears. A culmination of a few days worth of anxiety. The care team shared these are their least favorite phone calls. They asked if I had questions; I asked now what. We continue with our list of specialists; two next month. My husband and son seem to have a penchant for taking the long and round about way to a diagnosis.

I didn't have time to process the call or results. I barely had time to pull myself together. I joined my meeting and hoped for the best. My face does not hide emotion well on a good day; tears are impossible to hide. My fair complexion becomes blotchy; my blue eyes, blood shot. Lets add an HD camera. I got through that call and proceeded directly into another meeting. Over an hour later I was finally able to call my husband. We don't usually talk by phone during the day; we text and email, rarely talk. I again, burst into tears. I have never been more grateful for a pandemic and closed door policy at work. I spent the rest of the day working and trying not to focus on all the things. Corbin called mid-afternoon having a moment and everything came back....now what? How do we help this 8 year old little boy become the best version of himself.

Next week he starts four days of therapy a week with five different providers. A fulltime job for a little boy; this will likely stress him and balancing schoolwork. He is such a bright boy and knows not every kid is like him, which we celebrate; he doesn't feel that way. One day we hope he will. For now he is 8 and wants to be like all the other little boys. Its a parenting challenging that even some days I struggle with.

Lee and I ended the work week with a date night; a rare occurrence for us. Between kids and COVID we haven't been out; just the two of us, in over a year. It was overdue. We consciously try not to talk about the kids and last night was no different. There isn't anything to say. So we sat rooftop in an igloo, my husband was disappointed in the lack of penguins. If you were part of our journey during his health challenges, you will appreciate his affinity for this flightless bird.

So we wait some more and ride this train to the next stop.